New Hampshire’s primary is tomorrow, and while most of the media attention has been focused on the Republican race, it’s important to remember that the Democratic Party is also having a primary. I know, most people assume that President Obama is the only one on the ticket, but it turns out that there are others running. I, sad to say, had actually forgotten that until this article on Gawker reminded me. So, I’d like to take a moment or two of your time to introduce Vermin Supreme.
An article on The Hill mentions his presence at a Ron Paul campaign stop. Apparently the media crush forced Ron out of a diner where he was supposed to have breakfast, and Vermin was there:
“Guys, you’ve got to take it easy,” shouted one Paul staffer, imploring the media to give the congressman some space.
No such luck.
“Ron Paul: We have you surrounded. We are the media,” sounded the voice from a megaphone as Paul staffers ushered him into a waiting SUV, just minutes after he arrived at the restaurant.
Holding the megaphone was a man dressed roughly as a wizard, with shaggy hair and tousled beard, wearing a massive black boot upside down on his head.
Yes, that’s Vermin Supreme. From his web site:
In an election climate where candidates succeed by discouraging citizens from engaging in independent cognitive activity, repeat Candidate Vermin Love Supreme , (the only bona-fide American Presidential Candidate to actually donate a living organ,) has broken away from the rat pack.
Whatever public office he’s seeking, Vermin’s participation in electoral forums raises the critical questions that your run-of-the-mill apparatchicks will necessarily ignore. But once raised, these issues have refused to die.
Only through Vermin Supreme’s dilligent campaigning over the years have certain questions and issues of policy come to the foreground, specifically…
- Dental Hygiene Law
- Flying Monkey Public Safety Assurance Program
- Time Travel Research Funding
Yes, I think we can all agree that these are issues of national importance which the major parties have failed to address. While major media pundits like Glenn Greenwald and Andrew Sullivan try to tell us that it’s Ron Paul who is bringing important national issues to the discussion, they’re wrong as usual. We’ve already heard everything Ron has to say, he’s been saying it for years, so it’s not like he’s starting a discussion. He’s starting more of an eye rolling reaction that we often get when we’ve had to be polite and listen to our elders go on about the “good old days.”” Vermin Supreme, on the other hand, is boldly bringing something to the national conversation.
Let’s face it, dental hygiene is important, and yes, it would be good to be able to travel back in time and stop Hitler before he started. In the fears of genetically modified organisms, only one candidate is promising to regulate flying monkeys. Yes, they don’t exist yet, but Vermin Supreme is thinking ahead, because sooner or later some crazed Wizard of Oz fan is going to create them.
Yes, I know, the President is likely to win, but the Democratic Party is lucky to have such a fearless candidate who is willing to bring new ideas of national import to the voters.
Updated: This video covers his campaign points:
And everyone gets a free pony!
Updated With Primary Results: Vermin Supreme came in 3’rd, well ahead of Randall Terry.